Another day, another egoic facet of personal identity to shed.
So, this eclipse is bringing about quite a bit of spiritual healing for me, which I'm sure a lot of us are experiencing on some level right now.
The process of shedding never gets any easier I suppose, just a little bit more predictable in terms of what I think is going to be coming up into my awareness during these times. But I never like to assume. Because you know what happens when we assume?
it makes an ass out of u+me.
It's crazy to feel the old aspects of the self/character that I cling or clung onto out of survival, diminish. I cherish moments like these because they have a way of bringing me back to the truth of my being, if I just allow myself to be taught instead of taking the human experience so personally.
Being human is something we get to experience, it’s not what we are.
We get so caught up in personhood that we forget the bigger picture of why we’re here.
The ego, the suffering, the identity of having to be someone or something is where we get it wrong.
The ego needs proof & wants to be validated.
Consciousness just is.
Who and what we really are has always existed, we have always existed.
The emptier we are the more we’re able to embody the pure awareness of our true nature and divinity.
It's times like these though, when I'm in a period of growth, that I always feel like an imposter because of the changes. Was I that person and only changed as a personality? Is THIS who I am? How and why am I getting caught up in the story? Maya. The illusion. Always shifting, alchemizing, remembering.
But that's the whole point of incarnating into this harsh false matrix in the first place. We come here with all this conditioning & accumulation of wounds mixed with ancestral karma to sort through until we've learned all our lessons and then continue to just reincarnate as a different energy. Because we are formless. Make no mistake, the is a game. A simulation and it's time to pull back the curtain and meet the wizard.
The soul is driving us to shed and to challenge ourselves to break free of personhood. This is the journey back to the soul, back home to our original divine blueprint.
More and more people are waking up to this now and I feel incredibly fortunate for this chance to heal and grow, to understand and share my knowledge, my experience with the journey that all of us are on right now. The journey of ascension.
Imposter syndrome to me, was growing up and having to be a chameleon in order to fit in because as a child, I had no idea that I had an ego that is there to protect me but I also had no idea who/what I really was. Every child wants and needs to feel loved and accepted. But when we don't feel like this or we don't get our basic needs met, we learn how to get them met by any means necessary and typically because we didn't know how else to, we didn't feel safe to express them, or our caregivers weren't able to provide them for whatever reason. So we adapt, we learn to take on certain behaviours, programming, or patterns that directly reflect the needs of the ego to keep us feeling safe, loved and accepted. We then adopt these as aspects of our being or the self that may become a part of our identity/personality. I used to pride myself on being so agreeable and understanding so that people would like me. I disliked confrontation and I would do anything to keep the peace because I didn't feel safe to be who I was and to express myself authentically. So I became whoever I needed to be to survive and get through my days as a child learning about life.
I also felt very different from all the other kids growing up. I didn't understand why I felt so different from everyone and I just wanted to fit in. But in the process, I lost myself by trying to be everything to everyone. I still find myself doing this sometimes, even today.
If I'm being honest, I guess there's some part of me right now that feels like I should be doing what everyone else is doing within the collective/community. But deep down, I know I'm meant for something else, something more and that's not to say that I don't enjoy what I do, because I do. I don't say that in a condescending or egotistical way either, I just know my path is different. I never know what to expect and sometimes, I like it like that. I try to enjoy the surprises that come along with learning how to be human. I'm sure I'll end up doing exactly what I'm meant to in this lifetime and I try my best to simply enjoy life's unfolding.
I'm so proud of all the different versions of myself that I've been, of the growth that's transpired and to be able to put aside any personal feelings and witness things for what they are. To have the ability to observe them with curiosity rather than judgement, instead of getting caught up and attaching to them. I realize that I am not these feelings, behaviours, these coping mechanisms, this conditioning. And I rest in the knowledge that there is nothing to do or be but what I truly am and that's what I strive to do. I'm meant to confront people with the idea of who and what they are. I say confront because a lot of people don't like that. They don't like having their illusions shattered and that's okay. I don't like when it happens to me either. But we adjust.
It just so happens to feel like this right now. I'm growing and I feel like an imposter because I'm no longer who I used to be but some slightly different variation of and yet, there's still the awareness of, however the personality shifts, who and what I am at my core remains the same. And at the same time, I'm opening myself up to being able to embody more of what I've always been, universal light source energy.
So long as we remember who and what we truly are there is no such thing as imposter syndrome. The whole human experience is imposter syndrome. So be gentle with all the different versions of you. Each one taught you something about what it means to be human and that's something to honour and cherish.
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